“Am I not to drink the cup that my Father has given to me?” John 18:11
“You say that I am a king. For this I was born, and for this I came into the world, to testify to the truth. Everyone who belongs to the truth listens to my voice.” John 18:37
These are the phrases on the night of Jesus’ arrest that struck me in my reading this morning.
I’ve written several times that I used to not understand Good Friday–we all know Sunday is coming, we have the sweet grace of hindsight to understand that Jesus rose, and the joy of resting in all the glory that truth brings us into.
But, in the reality of life, there are a lot of Good Friday moments. There is often grief where sin and brokenness go to die–sometimes (oftentimes) much more pain to feel before the light and life break through the soil of our hearts.
I think Jesus stayed in the tomb a while to teach us about grief and waiting–to give our faith ancestry a framework for the liminal space of healing and spiritual formation.
In the “in-between,” while we’re dying to self before we have a strong grasp on the Spirit-filled life promised to us, I take comfort in the words of Jesus–listening to his voice like he told Pilate I would…
“Am I not to drink the cup that my Father has given me?”
Can I, when the way before me is unclear and bleak, accept the cup of my life? Can I feel the survival instincts resist the call before me, and can I gently remind them of whose I am? Can I listen to the voice of my Lord and Savior and follow him all the way to death, even when the promise of resurrection-life feels distant, fictitious even?
In reality, I still grasp tightly to life and resist death daily. I resent my children for demanding so much, hurl irritation at my husband when he is anything less than perfect. I struggle to say yes, I struggle to say no. The question of boundaries and dying to self feels burdensome and confusing every single day.
Still, I take comfort in knowing that this was Jesus’s own struggle in the garden. Slowly, I have begun to personally feel the weight of his choice to surrender as his resurrection has become my own–and little by little I find the grace to keep following his voice even all the way to death.
Life is on the other side–I know it, even when I don’t.
Here are some things to read while we wait to celebrate on Sunday:
The Bible Project: “Why Did Jesus Have to Die?” A Question Worth Unpacking
Good Friday for the Spiritually Wounded
And, if you’re in need of some lower-brain Good Friday honoring, here’s a playlist with some of my favorite raw and honest worship songs:
A wonderful reminder to not rush the process and lean into the pause X