Love is a Spiritual Practice
Celebrating my anniversary, and a journal to prepare for Lent
“Everyone is in a process of spiritual formation. We are being shaped into either the wholeness of the image of Christ or a horribly destructive caricature of that image--destructive not only to ourselves but also to others, for we inflict our brokenness upon them . . . The direction of our spiritual growth infuses all we do with intimations of either Life or Death.” M. Robert Mulholland Jr, Invitation to a Journey
Today my husband and I are celebrating our seventh wedding anniversary. In some ways, seven feels like so many years and I’m amazed that it’s been more than a couple of blinks since we said our vows. In other ways, seven is such a small number that it doesn’t quite feel like it communicates the amount of life I’ve lived with this man–the years before him are faded in my memory and unless I squint into the recesses of my mind it sometimes feels as though the only life I’ve known is the one we are making together.
Those that know us well know that this year has been one of our most difficult ones. Pressures from within and without stretched and pulled us in ways we weren’t used to and for the first time in my marriage I’ve understood why people get divorced.
*gasp*
But, really. Hear me out. For a long time in my spiritual journey, I’ve been hell-bent on not repeating the themes so present in the world. I won’t do this, I will do that–convinced that my confession of Jesus as Lord was a “get out of jail free” card from the broken patterns we are surrounded by.
But, real life betrays my resolve and reveals what really lives in my heart. As much as I don’t want my marriage to end (because of love and morality reasons), I’ve now lived enough life with my husband to realize that despite my latent expectations, I didn’t actually marry a male version of myself. I didn't marry someone with my same personality, my same wants, my same childhood experiences.
I married a person. He has opinions about what our home will look like, what we do as a family, and how to raise our children. He has dreams and desires, sinful patterns and wounds that are all his own. The most difficult part about this is that there is no life path that perfectly honors all that we each bring to the table.
Have you ever stretched a muscle so far that your body recoils out of the pose–certain that remaining there would cause the muscle to simply snap in half?
That’s the place we got to this year in our marriage. Making decisions together amidst pain and hardship, healing, growing, seeking–it seemed that each movement threatened to bend each of our wills beyond our capacity and we each found ourselves wondering why it’s so hard.
I started taking hot yoga this year, and I think in almost every class the Lord reveals himself to me in one way or another. A few weeks ago, an instructor encouraged us to breathe through a certain pose and taught us that when stretching it takes the brain 60-90 seconds to release the hold it has on a muscle being stretched.
It’s this principle, I think, that makes Biblical love a spiritual practice for shaping our hearts.
Of course, marriage is a very prominent expression of love and living, but even platonic and familial love carries the power of shaping our hearts. For my husband and I, commitment to our vows, to walking in the way of 1 Corinthians 13, for loving one another because Christ first loved us–it was our way of breathing through the stretch and finding ourselves more Kingdom-of-God shaped than we were before on the other side of it.
We’re still not perfect. We fuss and fight sometimes over the dishes or taking out the trash. I find my recoil tendencies to be alive and active even in my platonic relationships–my body screaming “run away!!” at the first hint of conflict. But I keep hearing the Lord whispering, “lean in.”
Love is a spiritual practice because in the act of loving we discover refinement. The selfish, broken, anxious, frantic parts of us that are scrambling to secure our place in a world of scarcity are encouraged to slow down–to find a restful posture, to dip into that bucket one more time and find it to be full and not empty the way we feared.
So, though we are not the sappy-romantic lovey-dovey types, I do celebrate this anniversary with gusto. I celebrate it for us, because it’s another year that we’ve committed to the spiritual practice of loving one another and the fruit is proving to be abundant and sweet. I celebrate it for you, as a reminder to lean into what’s hard, to breathe through the stretch if you’ll entertain my metaphor a bit longer. I pray that you’ll lean into the spiritual practice of love, and find that your heart is more Christ-shaped as a result.
As a small, but hopefully unnecessary disclaimer, this invitation to lean in is not applicable to abusive relationships. I won’t get into specifics here, but there’s good stretching that increases our health and there’s injury that hinders our ability to function properly. Abuse is injury, and no amount of “leaning in” will serve to shape us into a people of God. If you’re experiencing an abusive relationship I encourage you to find safe people to confide in to find emotional and physical safety in your journey moving forward.
A Journal to Prepare for Lent
I am actually not sure I’m going to participate in Lent this year (she types on Fat Tuesday). In years past, I have found the Lenten season to be enriching as a journey downward that highlights the rising of our King Jesus on Easter Sunday. However, our new church we recently moved into holds a 21-day fast at the beginning of each calendar year and so we just finished a season of fasting a couple of weeks ago. I am not sure how my spirit and those of my family will benefit from another long fast so close on the heels of the previous one.
However, you may be choosing to participate in Lent, and if you are you may be pondering the question–what am I giving up for Lent? You’ve probably considered giving up alcohol, chocolate, sweets, or social media. Or perhaps you’ll follow the tradition of the church and abstain from meat for the weeks leading up to Easter.
Last year I created a guide to prepare for Lent and craft a fast that actually helps us be introspective about what things are appropriate to abstain from in this season. I used these same principles this year to guide my 21-day fast and I hope the guide will help you, too.
Book Recommendations
If you do end up fasting from things like TV or social media, you’ll need some reading materials, I think. Here are some recommendations I’d love for you to try:
Bound by Blood and Shadow: I’ve talked about this book already here. It launches on February 25th and it’s SO GOOD. Even if you’re not typically a fantasy reader, I encourage you to give it a try. It’s got something in it for everyone.
Epic of Eden: Biblical non-fiction that will enhance your reading of the Bible so much! It’s an exploration of cultural context that illuminates the narrative of the Old Testament and sheds insight into the beauty of the New Testament. I think it’s another “required reading” for all Christians.
Eat this Book: A discussion on reading the scriptures for spiritual formation and not just knowledge or feel-goods. Eugene Peterson does not hold back in this one, so prepare to be enlightened, convicted, and encouraged in your Bible study.
Asking Better Questions of the Bible: Marty’s Solomon’s debut book is a gentle and helpful introduction to a world of teaching that seeks to look at the Bible through the lens it’s written through. I think of it as an updated and more helpful version of “How to Read the Bible for All its Worth.”